I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Text me some of your sweat
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize