no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
