There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
