We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
