I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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