Your dad touched me again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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