He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
