if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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