i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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