Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
