im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize