dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
