So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
