i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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