Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
