So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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