Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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