so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
