I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
