When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
