I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
