Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
