I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
