this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dick very happy bro
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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