Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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