She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
