Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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