You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
