i was born a porn star she said
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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