As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
