I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
