in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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