So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
