Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
