Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
