I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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