i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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