I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
