two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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