Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
