new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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