Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Bring me that man meat
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
