I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
