Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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