I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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