Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
