I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You need a sexual gate keeper
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
