Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
