His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize