I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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