so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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