I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize