Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
