he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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