can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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