don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize