id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize