do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
