went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
