you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
