Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
