Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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