i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize