I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
