He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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