He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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