So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
