my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
